Here is how it goes, he came to this forum to look for answers on how he can stop his divorce from happening,and get back his wife after all the emotional abuses over the years.Actually in his own words "I did a 180 on my life....because I don't want to lose my family and my marriage; I can't see myself alone and starting over at this age; I want to do everything possible to make this work for us and the kids"
He went further explaining the steps he had taken to help resolve the situation(how he started by changing himself)stopping the negativity,drugs and emotional abuses.He ended up by asking this question "is there hope even though she clearly shows me that there is none?" what i really gathered from the whole post was that he had finally discovered that he had been making a big mistake and his family had been paying the price.
I also believed that he genuinely want to change and become a new man,husband and father of his kids.But as you might also be thinking the big question here is "HOW" is he going to do that the right way? Any way I took a couple of days to read the whole forum post and as I did I was taking down some notes.Picking up some of the tips from some of the members in the forum that i think really made sense to me and can help others facing this situation.
By the way, if your situation relates with the one i having been trying to describe at the beginning of this post my advice will be-learning what to do and then doing it. It is a process and there are specific steps you need to take to accomplish your goal. Now if you find your wife or girlfriend slipping away from you and you know you are the problem like my "forum friend above"as I will like to call him now, whatever the reason is or was that let to do what ever you did to her the first thing to do is change the behavior. Fix what needs to be fixed.
-Making a change
Start by doing the first thing my Forum friend above did (make a change) and let it be for-real.When the new you has emerged and you have really changed you will see how it will start affecting your way of thinking and behaving.That is when you will start feeling more positive and that will quickly radiate to her(women quickly pick this things up)the next thing is it will easily give you that drive to do more for her and that is where the magic starts again.You start doing things like coming back from work with a bunch of flowers and a note attached to it saying some thing like "I just want to say how much I love you"and believe me you will love and feel comfortable with your new you too.
When you really change you will hardly come off as sounding needy or desperate (both of which are giant turn off for women) in any situation with your wife.That is the mistakes most people who find themselves in a situation like this do.
I guess what I am trying to say is that,no matter how badly you messed up and how much you have hurt your wife, it still may be possible to get her to love you again. I'm not saying that it will be easy or that it will not be quick, but it may be possible. You just have to decide if you are truly willing to invest the time and effort it will take to do what is necessary to win her back.
If you can't really commit to the process totally you really should consider letting her go and find happiness. If you start down the road and you aren't able to take it all the way you will only get your hopes, and her hopes, up and you will both be disappointed. I'm not sure that you really want to put yourself through that. Believe me Lip service and hollow promises aren't going to work anymore. It's time to suck it up and put your money where your mouth is. Time to change.
Step one of the process is figuring out what you need to change. This may sound easy but it's actually one of the hardest things to do because it requires you to look at yourself with complete honesty and many times we don't totally like what we see. If you really want to get your wife back in your arms, you need to figure out what to change.
If you're not totally sure what you need to do, just think back to when the two of you had a fight. What did you argue about? More than likely your wife told you the things that you said or did ( or didn't say or do) that caused her hurt and pain. That is a great place for you to start. When she tried to tell you how she felt did you listen? Or did you get angry and defensive and feel like she didn't love you? That's a common response many people have. They somehow take it personally when their spouse tries to let them know how they're feeling. When your wife told you she felt a certain way about something, it's about her, not you.
If you really can't figure the problem out and you can't really find anyone to ask, you might want to spend a few sessions with a therapist. I know, most people find this prospect daunting ( a lot of people won't admit it's daunting they tend to use terms like 'a waste of time' or 'b.s.' but in reality they're really just scared of what they may hear). Anyway, a therapist can help you cut through all your own issues and will show you the things you need to see but aren't quite able to see on your own.
How ever changing your self is just one of many things you have to do to finally convince your wife you are a changed man.But it is the best to start with since it will really make a drastic impact on her.I have also gone through many relationship experts that are specialize on how to get your wife back and Michael Web still is the master on this topic he really knows what he is talking about.If you are interested on reading more on what he had to say about getting your wife back for good after you have put her through an emotional abuse,negativity and drug use click here. But before you go you would want to subscribe to this blog on the form at the top right as i will soon be posting a follow up tip i picked from this forum you will not want to miss that.You will also learn what happened next to my forum friend after a few weeks and months concerning the situation between him and his wife and family.Till then take care and make sure you treat your wife as a lady because that is really what she is.
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