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Saturday, July 10, 2010

What To Do After Relationship Has Ended/Moving on after a break up

 Why do breakups hurt so much? A breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future.  After relationship is over, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief. No one and nothing can completely take away the pain, only time can do that, but there are many things that you can do that will help you focus your time and attention onto more positive things rather than just focusing on your pain. Keeping your focus forward instead of backward can at least make it seem like you are healing more quickly. 

The things that you absolutely, positively should not do after a relationship  breakup are:

1. Go out and drink ( or do drugs) and stay in a stupor for days or weeks on end. This won't help anyone.

2. Go out and hook up with anyone you can find. Again, this may help ease the pain but it will only make you feel worse once your on your own again.

3. Try to beg your ex to take you back.  If it's over, it's over. Nothing you can do and if your ex isn't interested in a reconciliation, there's nothing you should do.  Hold your head up and move on.

Now that you know what not to do, here are some things that you should do. Again, these can help ease the pain but in a positive way that won't leave you with a lot of regrets:

1.  Spend time with supportive, positive people.  No one is suggesting that you start dating, you shouldn't, but that doesn't mean you can't go out for lunch, coffee or to the movies with your friends so you don't sit at home and wallow.  Having loving supportive people around will help, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.  Keep your alone time to a minimum in the beginning.

2. When you are alone, and thinking about the past, make sure to use this as a constructive time. Don't just think about the 'what ifs' instead try to figure out what changes you can make to make yourself a better person. This will pay dividends in all aspects of your life, not just your romantic life (which believe it or not, isn't over, it's just on a little break).

3. Work on you. If you've been meaning to change your hairstyle, go on a trip, take a class, or get in shape, what are you waiting for? This is a great time to take on some positive new challenges in your life. It will force you to think about the future and not dwell on the past.

4. Always try (no matter how hard it can be sometimes) to keep yourself focused on the positive.  Try to look at your future as a wide open canvas that you can create anything you want.  If you can train yourself to think like this the breakup won't seem as painful and you may even find yourself enthusiastic about the possibilities the future holds.

Hey, let's face it, break ups suck. There's no way around it. But we will all go through it at one time or another so anything that you can use to help get over it more quickly and move on with your life is a God send.  Just use these tips on the do's and don'ts of what to do after relationship has ended and you'll be on the right track.


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